


Broken

by Danae_krd



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Flirting, F/M, Friendship/Love, Jealousy, Love Confessions, Misunderstandings, Original Character(s), Post-Canon, Post-Endgame, Prequel, Sappy, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-07 22:17:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13444554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danae_krd/pseuds/Danae_krd
Summary: Here's the prequel to my story "Quite Simple". It's post-endgame and it takes place at the Annual Starfleet Ball. Chakotay wants to confess his love to Kathryn but she makes an appearance escorted by a Starfleet captain. There's a lot of non-synthenol alcohol in this story. Also, jealousy, misunderstandings, flirting and a big fight.English is not my native language, so I'm really sorry for any mistakes.





	Broken

_“Everyone is here,”_ Chakotay thought as he looked around the crowded ballroom. The Annual Starfleet ball has always been a big event and many Starfleet officers looked forward to it every year. It was the very first time Chakotay attended this party and he was trying hard to fit in with the others. He wasn’t the usual good Starfleet guy after all even though he was now promoted to Captain of Voyager. He was a former Maquis and even if he and his old crew were pardoned soon after their arrival at Earth, they were still quite treated as terrorists and many officers were still suspicious of them. Of course Chakotay didn’t care at all. He wouldn’t even be there, if he hadn’t a damn good reason.

He sighed nervously and sipped his drink at an isolated corner of the big ballroom where he was able to see well-known Admirals and Senior Officers in their formal attire. Many of them had chosen to skip the uniforms for the evening and they looked so different – and surely, not so strict or old or frigid. It was impressive what a difference could make a piece of clothing. Chakotay had chosen to wear a black tuxedo – basically, Tom’d chosen it and insisted on him wearing it _. “Nothing like a timeless classic black tuxedo,”_ he’d said and Chakotay’d pretended to agree. In fact, Chakotay didn’t like suits. They just weren’t his style but the truth was that he didn’t want to make an appearance wearing his Starfleet uniform. He had plans for the night after all.

Many of his old crewmates were already there but the one who wanted most to see was still missing. Chakotay looked briefly at B’elanna talking lazily with Harry and Tom Paris talking and probably sharing a joke with William Riker from the USS Enterprise-D. They all seemed to have a really good time and Chakotay couldn’t help but smile lightly. Then, he sighed – he’d also have a great time if he wasn’t so nervous!

Of course Seven of Nine was there too, dressed in her usual silver bio-suit, looking extremely anxious and almost frightened of the crowd around her. The Doctor beside her obviously tried his best to relax her but with no success. Chakotay shook his head in disbelief as he observed them from a distance. He’d broken up with her soon after Voyager reached Earth but he still couldn’t believe he had a relationship with her in the first place.

Although, Seven was an attractive and clever young woman, he soon realized that she was still very immature and they didn’t have much in common. They wouldn’t talk about anything else besides their ship duties and –the most important- they weren’t in love with each other. Sure, he was flattered by her attention but Seven was mostly interested in experimenting with her social skills and also, she wasn’t the woman he’s loved for almost eight years.

Kathryn. _What a woman_ , he thought then and his heart fluttered. Beautiful, wise, strong and tender at the same time, brave, resourceful… and the list was endless. He knew he’d been attracted to her from the moment he’d laid eyes on her.

Chakotay had grown up loving, wanting and needing her through the years.  He couldn’t quite remember when exactly he fell in love with her but it’d felt very natural.

Sometimes he had a thought that he’d fallen in love with her before he even knew it.

Then, he couldn’t help but reminisce the day they met for the very first time. When Kathryn stepped between Paris and him in order to protect Tom and he felt her slim body brushing against his own, his legs trembled and he suddenly felt vulnerable and weak in front of her. Her eyes were so captivating and as she looked briefly at his lips, he felt his heart thump inside of his chest. This woman was really something. He realized then he never felt that way before. Not even when he was a young boy and fell in love with a beautiful girl from his tribe.

He loved her much and deep through the years – but also respected and admired her for her soul and mind. Not because she was his captain, but because she was an impressive woman to him: clever and compassionate, elegant and sexy, humorous and spiritual, bold and fearless.

And he’d hurt her. Chakotay knew well that Kathryn had been terribly hurt by his affair with Seven. She hadn’t say anything – she hadn’t even blamed him for letting her down and breaking his promise but he could see it clearly in her enthralling and sad eyes. Chakotay couldn’t stand to see her in pain – he was in pain too.

 _What done is done. I have to fix things_ , he thought and grabbed another drink from the tray of a passing servant. Then, he returned to the corner of the very large and bright room – he still tried to avoid everyone. Usually, he wouldn’t drink much but at the time he fully intended to have some drinks. Chakotay needed to relax and turn off his worries in order to be ready for his next move.

After this celebration, his life –and not only his- could change forever. And he knew that for sure.

Kathryn wasn’t there yet and Chakotay was growing impatient. He hadn’t seen her since the end of the debriefings and it was over three months ago – and then, they hadn’t talk much and not about anything too personal. She had been distant towards him and he’d been feeling deeply ashamed of his ridiculous affair with Seven, even if he’d already broken up with her. He hoped Kathryn knew they weren’t a thing anymore.

He missed Kathryn very much and thought of contacting her repeatedly but Chakotay knew they all needed time to settle down and organize their lives after their return to the Alpha Quadrant. Much more Kathryn, who was promoted to Admiral.

Chakotay sighed as he realized that he couldn’t take his mind off of her. He missed all these little things that made him love her in the first place: her stormy eyes, her extraordinary personality, her husky voice, her throaty laughs, her determination and courage, her hand-on-hips gesture, even her death glare. Of course, he knew it would happen and it made absolute sense. They’d been together as friends –as almost lovers in every way except one- for almost 24 hours the day for 7 years.

He never confessed his love for her –not directly, but he tried by telling her a story, an ancient legend, when they were stranded in New Earth.

Kathryn also never acknowledged her feelings but one night in New Earth – when that storm had destroyed her equipment – she’d gone to his bed. She had been crying and searching for solace. Kathryn’d kissed him hesitantly and let him hold her for the night. He’d accepted what she’d offered.

He never told her, but it was the most expensive night of his life.

Then, Chakotay looked up and observed that Deanna Troi was looking towards him with sympathy. They were very close to each other and when their eyes met, she gave him an assuring smile. In an instant, he felt himself blushing. If he remembered right, she was a Betazoid, so she could sense his thoughts and emotions. Probably, she has already known what was going on in his mind.

“ _I don’t care. I’ve loved Kathryn for years and it’s about damn time to let everyone know it_ ,” he thought and gulped the last of his drink.

Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by the whispers that riffled through the crowd. Of course, Chakotay knew – he sensed her presence at once. Then, he heard it! That throaty laugh he could recognize anywhere! Chakotay wanted to scream with excitement but he tried hard to restrain himself. He decided to turn his head and so he did.

 Then, he saw her – and Spirits, she was stunning! She was wearing a shimmering, tight-fitting, black, floor-length dress that clung and swirled in all the right places.  Her elegant shoulders were naked (except the thin straps) as well as her back down to her waist. Her hair was in a loose up-do and she was wearing light makeup except the burgundy lipstick she’d chosen for the evening.

Chakotay wanted to run to her. He wanted to hold her, to crush her against his chest and kiss her hard but he had the impression that she wouldn’t appreciate such a gesture. So, he waited. He’d waited enough for her in his life, so he could definitely wait five or ten more minutes.

Kathryn was talking vividly with Admiral Paris when Chakotay noticed a tall man approaching her. After a few seconds, he stood next to her and held her possessively around the waist.  Chakotay felt jealousy rising inside him as Kathryn looked up at him and gave him a lopsided smile – it was one of those smiles that could make his knees go weak. Chakotay continued observing him and he couldn’t help but notice that he was a really handsome man. He had blond hair and blue eyes and he hadn’t skipped the uniform for the evening. The unknown man was indeed wearing a Starfleet uniform with four pips on his collar. Oh, yes. Chakotay could recognize him: he was the captain of the brand new starship, USS Pandora. Chakotay had met him briefly one time at Starfleet Headquarters. He was sure that the man’s last name was Hamilton, but he couldn’t remember the first one. Oh, he’d learn it soon.

Hamilton whispered something in Kathryn’s ear and she actually giggled (!) and gently squeezed his upper arm in response. Then, he turned his back and left her side – he was probably going to get a drink for her or talk to someone he’d seen. She was alone now – Owen Paris had left as well. Chakotay sighed and tried to gather his courage again. He knew he had to take the chance as soon as possible. He grabbed another drink from a passing tray but stopped dead in his tracks as he noticed her scanning around the room. She was obviously searching for someone. Chakotay swallowed hard as a crazy thought darted through his mind: maybe she was searching for him! Yeah, why not? He had been her first officer for seven years and also, her best friend. They haven’t talked in months. So, yes: it was definitely possible.

After a few seconds, Kathryn saw him and Chakotay was suddenly so nervous that he wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. He never could draw his eyes away from hers, so they locked eyes. She gave him a breathtaking smile and he decided to approach her with a forced smile on his face. He thought of hugging her, but instead, he just shook her hand heartily.

“Chakotay, I’m glad to see you!” she said happily.

“I’m glad to see you too,” he replied anxiously.

“I didn’t see you at first and I thought you didn’t come,” she commented with a polite smile.

“Oh, I saw you the moment you got here. Basically, I heard you.”

“You heard me?” she asked in wonder and raised her eyebrows.

“Well, I heard your laugh. You know I could recognize it anywhere,” he joked.

Kathryn chuckled in response and leaned closer.

“Oh, Chakotay… so, why didn’t you talk to me?” she asked in a low and almost tender voice.

He put his hands in his pockets and looked at his shoes.

“I didn’t want to interrupt you, Kathryn. You were busy… and I didn’t want to waste your time…” he mumbled. He sighed internally. He knew he talked nonsense.

Kathryn eyed him curiously.

“What are you talking about, Chakotay? You’re my friend.”

He looked up at her again.

“Yeah, that’s the problem,” he murmured without thinking and Kathryn looked at him intensely, thoughts running obviously through her mind.

“Here’s your drink darling,” the handsome man interrupted them and handed Kathryn a glass of wine which she took willingly. Then, he looked at Chakotay. “Well, hello there,” he said in a friendly way.

Kathryn chuckled nervously and Chakotay could see her fidgeting with her glass.

“Dave, this is Chakotay,” Kathryn said – a bit dryly.

“Oh, I’m glad to finally meet you, Chakotay; I’ve heard so much about you. I’m David Hamilton,” the man said happily and instantly extended his hand to him.

“Nice to meet you, David,” Chakotay said soberly and shook the other man’s hand, “you’re the captain of Pandora, if I’m not mistaken…?”

David nodded vigorously.

“Actually yes. Pandora is a great ship, but I think Voyager is quite magnificent as well. Am I right?” he asked and smirked.

Chakotay shrugged his shoulders.

“There’s no much to say about Voyager – everyone knows about her glory so far. I can only say that I’m very proud of being her Captain now,” he declared and looked at Kathryn with a half-smile.

“Oh, come on,” Kathryn interrupted as she finished her drink, “don’t talk about my girl in front of me; I miss her – but I can’t deny it, Chakotay… you’re like my physical continuity,” she admitted and gave both of them a lopsided smile.

David held her closely once again and Chakotay couldn’t take his eyes off his hands on her waist.

“So, Kathryn… aren’t you tired of the space exploration?” David asked her, a bit surprised.

“Space exploration is fine by me if I won’t end up again in some unknown Quadrant,” Kathryn joked and Chakotay couldn’t help himself but laugh loudly.

“At least, the first time you were in good company,” Chakotay joked and gave her a full-dimple grin.

Kathryn stared him in the eyes and let out a husky laugh.

“I couldn’t agree more,” she replied without missing a beat in the same tone.

 “Anyway, it’s time to think of your personal life too, Kathryn,” David stated, matter-of-factly.

Kathryn let out a laugh.

“Are you talking about a husband and babies?” she asked incredulously.

David nodded. “Yes, why not?”

“Oh Dave, don’t be ridiculous,” she purred then in her perfect, husky voice and Chakotay felt a wave of jealousy inside him once again.

David smiled almost tenderly and fixed his eyes on her.

“Why am I ridiculous, Kathryn? I don’t get it,” he protested lightly.

“To be honest, I think these things can’t be forced. We have to just let them happen, in their own good time,” Chakotay interrupted and took another sip of his whiskey.

Kathryn nodded vigorously in response and looked accusingly at David who just shrugged his shoulders.

“Exactly,” she exclaimed. “Thank you for your support, Chakotay.”

“Always,” he answered simply and Kathryn, who didn’t miss the innuendo, tilted her head to the side, considering him.

After a few intense seconds, David cleared his throat and looked at Kathryn again.

“My Kathryn, I need to talk to Picard about something important.” Then, he turned his head toward Chakotay. “I don’t have many chances to catch up with him,” he continued and chuckled.

“Oh, go ahead, David. I don’t mind,” Kathryn said and shrugged her shoulders.

“Would you like to come with me?”

Kathryn shook her head. “Oh, no. Honestly, I’d like to catch up with Chakotay. It’s been a long time.”

Chakotay nodded with a wide grin on his face.

“Yes, there are no many chances, you know,” he answered in amusement.

David smiled politely.

“Okay, then. I’ll find you later, beautiful” David said in a low voice to Kathryn and kissed her cheek.

Kathryn smiled and patted his cheek. She didn’t miss Chakotay’s reaction as he saw their kiss and heard his words. His hand clenched into a fist and as she looked him dead in the eye, she observed that he was still looking at her with narrowed eyes.

Then, Kathryn cleared her throat nervously.

“So… civilian life suits you, Chakotay. You look great,” Kathryn said with a lopsided smile.

In an instant, Chakotay relaxed and chuckled showing his dimples.

“Thank you, Kathryn. I was thinking exactly the same thing about you.”

Kathryn shook her head in response and smiled sadly.

“Do you think so? I don’t know, I hardly got any rest in the last two months…”

Chakotay nodded sympathetically.

“The Admiralty is exhausting, right?”

She sighed.

“Ah… I couldn’t imagine,” she answered and ran a hand through her hair.

Chakotay caught her hand and lowered it. Kathryn looked up at him in surprise and he laughed nervously.

“You’ll spoil your hair,” he explained in a surprisingly tender voice. “Anyway, you look beautiful tonight – more than beautiful. You’re breathtaking. You don’t look tired at all.”

Kathryn opened and closed her mouth a few times as she started blushing immediately. Then, she tried to regain her composure and blinked a few times nervously before replying.

“Thank you... I appreciate your compliment… I mean… I don’t usually feel comfortable wearing dresses,” she confessed and made a face.

Chakotay lowered his head and chuckled. Then, he looked up at her again.

“You’re wrong, Kathryn. You look very pretty in dresses and… somehow different.”

Kathryn raised an eyebrow and smiled sarcastically.

“Do you mean more feminine? David told me so.”

Chakotay laughed heartily in response.

“Of course not! Besides, you always looked feminine to me. I have no doubt about it,” he exclaimed. “Hm, I guess I mean… more soft, more fragile and approachable. I’ve noticed since New Earth,” he admitted lightly.

“Is that a good thing for me?” she asked incredulously.

He shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s not bad either. Anyway, I lo…hm, I like every version of you,” he corrected himself and tugged his ear nervously.

Kathryn, who didn’t miss the scene, gave him a forced smile.

“I know,” she assured him. “Anyway, I think you look different in costumes too. Moreover, I hadn’t seen you in suits before.”

“Hm… different in a good way or a bad way?”

“In a different way,” she joked. “Oh, I don’t really know… you probably look more confident and sophisticated,” she observed then with a knowing smile.

He chuckled.

“Oh, I know that smile. So, in a good way.”

“I guess… but don’t worry; I like you in your extravagant vests too,” she joked.

“No worries here, Kathryn,” he replied, amused, “I’ve noticed.”

Kathryn pursed her lips and tilted her head slightly.

“Excuse me, are you serious now?”

He nodded vigorously.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” he repeated.

“You’re subtle as always, Commander,” Kathryn said in a purring voice and Chakotay couldn’t help but feel terribly excited and nervous at the same time. As time was passing, they both had some more drinks and already felt quite dizzy. 

“What are you talking about?” he asked now pretending to be shocked.

“Oh, I’m talking about the way you looked at me aboard Voyager.”

“The good thing is that you’re no longer my captain,” he said emphatically.

Kathryn sighed dramatically in response.

“Finally!”

Then, Chakotay shrugged his shoulders.

“Anyway, it’s fine by me. I mean… the subtlety thing. I never hid my feelings or defined parameters,” he answered pointedly.

Kathryn blinked a few times nervously.

“Did you… have feelings? Really?”

Chakotay couldn’t help but laugh loudly as he heard the doubt in her voice.

“Yes, Kathryn! You know that!” he exclaimed.

“I… I thought…”

Then, she stopped abruptly and swallowed hard.

“Anyway,” she continued in a lower voice, “we can’t discuss it here… this is not the right place, nor the right time.”

Chakotay’s stare hardened in an instant and Kathryn thought she saw a flash of anger and even jealousy in his eyes.

“I see,” he said coldly, “David is here… it wouldn’t be appropriate… am I right Kathryn?”

“Are you nuts? David has nothing to do with it… or us,” she hissed through her teeth.

“You two are together, right?”

Kathryn narrowed her eyes as she looked at him.

“Do you really believe it, Chakotay? Do you believe that if I was with him, I’d talk to you like this?”

He could hear the hurt in her voice but he was so overwhelmed by her presence and their talk that he couldn’t control himself and his emotions.

“I don’t know,” he finally said, “Besides, we’re not talking about anything important. You just teased me a bit as you always did.”

“What the hell, Chakotay?” Kathryn exclaimed in irritation, “I never teased you!”

Before Chakotay could give an answer, David interrupted them as he moved towards them once again. He stood next to Kathryn and gave them a big smile.

“I’m really sorry, we talked and talked…” he said and rolled his eyes.

“It’s okay,” Chakotay murmured.

“Is everything okay?” Kathryn asked.

David nodded vigorously.

“Yes, I think I got the answers I needed. What about you, guys? Do you have a good time?”

“Yeah, we talked about the good, old days,” Kathryn replied and gave him a forced smile. “Right, Chakotay?”

“Right. Great talk,” he muttered under his breath.

Then, David moved closer to Kathryn and gently stroked her hair.

“You look absolutely stunning in that dress, Kathryn. Do you know it?” he whispered and Chakotay couldn’t help but feel quite uncomfortable. Strangely, Kathryn seemed to be quite uncomfortable too. Of course, Chakotay noticed it and felt a bit confused. Could he be wrong? Or maybe, it was only the alcohol. Kathryn had drunk enough and he knew that she wasn’t quite used to non-synthehol drinks.

“Do you think so?” she squeaked.

David chuckled looking at her lovingly.

“I couldn’t imagine that Kathryn Janeway would be a shy woman,” David said as he turned towards Chakotay. “Could you?”

Chakotay gave him a forced smile before answering.

“Actually, yes. I could.”

“You’re probably talking about the time you were stranded on that little planet all alone, right? Kathryn had told me so. I guess you saw other aspects of her character.”

Chakotay was suddenly incapable of words, so he only nodded.

“As I saw other aspects of his character,” Kathryn added in a stern voice.

Then, all of a sudden, Kathryn changed her attitude and Chakotay wasn’t quite surprised as he was attuned to her mood swings. Although, David was a bit surprised and widened his eyes when Kathryn leaned towards him.

“Dave, give me that dance,” she almost demanded. “I love this song,” she added in a softer voice.

David couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

 

~.~

“Where have you been helm boy?” B’elanna asked her husband as she kissed him lightly on the lips.

“Hey, love. I was talking with my father,” Tom informed her. “It’s a great party, isn’t it?” he asked then and sighed in delight.

B’elanna shrugged.

“It’s okay. To be honest, I think I’d be bored if our friends weren’t here,” she admitted.

“Yeah, it’s good that everyone is here,” he agreed.

“Did you see Janeway? She looks very beautiful tonight,” B’elanna said, admiringly.

“Oh, I saw her but I didn’t have the chance to talk to her.”

B’elanna nodded.

“Me either. She was with Chakotay or this blond man, you know, all the time…”

 “She had a fight with Chakotay, right?” Tom asked and raised an eyebrow.

His wife looked at him incredulously.

“A fight?” she repeated in wonder, “I don’t think so. I mean… they never fight, right? And Chakotay… oh, I know him… he’s a very calm person.”

“Well, I agree… they rarely fought aboard Voyager…”

“There were professional disagreements but nothing personal,” B’elanna interrupted him.

“Oh, I agree, babe but I think I saw some tension between them.”

B’elanna shrugged her shoulders again.

“Let’s keep an eye on them. Okay, Tom?”

“There’s also something else…” Tom pointed out.

“What?”

“Why are they drinking so much?”

“You’re right,” B’elanna exclaimed, “Chakotay never liked to drink. I find it too a bit odd…”

Tom shook his head in disapproval.

“Soon they’ll be drunk as skunks,” he sighed.

“Then, we surely keep an eye on them.”

Tom just nodded as he laid eyes on his former captain.

“So many years… so many unspoken things… it makes sense,” Tom murmured and B’elanna looked at him, bemused.

~.~

Chakotay had also laid his eyes on his former captain since she started to dance with Hamilton. Moreover, his whiskey glass had been refilled several times as he watched her not only dance, but also laugh and flirt with another man instead of him. He felt so jealous even if he knew that he shouldn’t feel this way – he didn’t have the right to feel this way.

Chakotay wanted Kathryn, needed Kathryn, loved Kathryn with an intensity he’d never felt for any woman before. It was sobering but it was the truth and it made him feel the blood rush to his heart.

Anyway, he had to admit that Hamilton was a great dancer. His movements were fluid as he led her around the floor to a slow tune. Kathryn was a good dancer too and he couldn’t help but think that her body seemed to be quite flexible.

At some point, Hamilton pulled Kathryn closer and lowered his head to her hair. His hand rubbed slow circles low on her back and she, relaxed, rested her head on his chest. After a few minutes, he whispered something in her ear and she tossed her head back laughing huskily. When Kathryn sobered, Hamilton looked down at her and Chakotay knew that he was ready to kiss her. It was his undoing.

Chakotay rushed toward them and grabbed her hand. Kathryn leaned closer and looked at him with narrowed eyes.

“What are you doing?” she hissed

David was ready to interrupt and say something but Kathryn’s stern gaze silenced him in an instant. He understood it was between her and Chakotay and he had to back off.

“Come with me,” Chakotay growled and grasping her hand more tightly, he pulled her outside ignoring the stares of everyone around them.

The autumn sky was overcast and threatening to rain. Kathryn wriggled out of his hand.

“What’s the matter with you?” Kathryn exclaimed as she rolled her eyes. “This is not like you.”

Chakotay closed his eyes feeling suddenly ashamed as the night wind, sharp against his face, cleared his mind.

“I’m… sorry,” he whispered, “you have any right to be angry… I lost it, Kathryn… I just lost it…” he murmured and covered his face with his hands.

Kathryn stood still and crossed her arms defensively over her chest.

“Why? Why did you lose it?” she rasped.

Chakotay lowered his head and groaned.

“I was watching you… dancing with him… and I couldn’t stand it, Kathryn,” he admitted, desperately.

Kathryn raised her eyebrows and shook her head in disapproval.

“I don’t get it, Chakotay. We’re just friends, right? I mean you’re the one who…” then, she stopped abruptly and swallowed hard.

“Who what?” he insisted.

“Who found someone else in the first place,” she answered coldly.

“Kathryn, I’m not with Seven anymore. You know that, right?”

Kathryn blinked a few times in surprise.

“How could I know for God’s sake? We hadn’t talked for months!” she exclaimed.

“Yes because you avoided me! I’d tried to contact you many times,” he replied desperately.

Then, Kathryn put her hands on her hips –such a familiar gesture!- and looked at him intently.

“You know what? I don’t give a damn – at least, not anymore. You made your decision and that’s fine by me. Just leave me alone. I have to continue with my life. Besides, nothing ever happened between us…”

“Don’t lie to me, Kathryn!” Chakotay replied warningly.

“I’m not lying!”

“So nothing, huh? What about all these years? What about New Earth and our dinners? What about that night…”

“Stop it,” Kathryn interrupted him, “Stop it now! None of this matters anymore!” she blurted.

“What about tonight, Kathryn? Chakotay continued pointedly. “We flirted, right?”

“Maybe I just teased you, as you said,” she replied bitterly.

“Tell me about your feelings, Kathryn,” he pleaded.

“Why don’t we talk about your feelings, Chakotay?” she asked accusingly.

“Because I think they’re quite clear, Kathryn.”

She scoffed.

“Not to me. You were the one who broke our promise after all. Do you really remember the promise that I’m talking about? The one we made after New Earth…”she whispered in a broken voice.

“Damn it, Kathryn,” he uttered with clenched fists, “You’re not the victim here.  You shut me out, so many times through the years. You chose Seven over me for your closest friend and you had affairs with any alien man while you knew how I was feeling for you!” he cried out.

Kathryn took a deep breath as she felt her eyes burning with unshed tears.

“Are you fucking serious?” she asked in a voice full of anger and hurt, “You never understood, right? I couldn’t handle it, Chakotay – I couldn’t handle the fact that you were my first officer and I had such strong feelings for you. I had to let it go, to let you go for both our sanity and the good of our ship.”

Chakotay swallowed hard as he heard her words. He’d never thought of this, he’d never realized how hard the situation was for her and what her feelings were. He suddenly felt ashamed of himself once again.

“I know you were hurt,” she continued, “but you have to understand that I was hurt too. I’m still hurt. When I lost you to Seven… oh, God… it was awful,” she sighed and closed her eyes.

Chakotay approached her carefully.

“Kathryn…”

“Stop it. I think it’s too late… whenever I close my eyes, I see you with her… she’s like a daughter to me, Chakotay… I can’t…”

Suddenly, Chakotay caught her face in both hands and made her look at him.

“Kathryn, listen to me. I made a damn mistake… I wasn’t myself at the time… all these years fucked me up…”

Kathryn turned away from him in annoyance.

“So, you had to fuck Seven,” she answered bitterly.

He scoffed.

“I don’t know if it makes any difference, but I didn’t fuck her.”

“It doesn’t.” Then, she sighed. “Chakotay… it’s late… and we’re both too drunk for this conversation…so…”

She turned to leave, but his voice stopped her in her tracks.

“I love you,” he whispered.

Kathryn shivered and looked back over her shoulder at him.

“What?” she asked incredulously.

“I love you,” he repeated, “and I haven’t felt like this for anyone… ever,” he added.

She turned to face him.

“I can’t believe you,” she answered sternly and shrugged.

“Do you love Hamilton?” he asked then.

She laughed bitterly.

“It’s none of your business.”

“I see,” he answered coldly.

“May I leave now, sir?” she asked sarcastically.

“Actually, no. There’s something else I need to know.”

“What now?” she asked and rolled her eyes.

“You said you never teased me… so, why don’t you give me just a chance to prove you that it’s not too late? For the feelings, you said you had for me… for all these years.”

She sighed.

“Because… I’m not blonde or sexy… or half your age…” she answered pointedly.

He laughed sarcastically.

“I see… and I’m not Hamilton too, right?”

“Oh, fuck you Chakotay. Fuck you! I’m really tired of your bullshit,” she burst out.

Chakotay grabbed her hand and pulled her toward him.

“Don’t talk to me like this, Kathryn” he growled warningly.

She looked at him angrily.

“Or what? You’ll hit me?” she asked bitterly.

In an instant, he let her go.

“You’re out of your mind, Kathryn” he answered, shocked. “I’d never hit you…”

Kathryn looked down, ashamed.

“I… I’m really sorry…” she muttered and tears started streaming down her face.

Chakotay blinked a few times in surprise but before he could say anything, she turned and left quickly the big garden.

~.~

“Kahless,” B’elanna cried out. “Tom, look at Janeway! She’s a mess!”

Tom obeyed and looked toward his former captain. She was indeed a mess. Tears were rolling down her face and she was drunk as a skunk.

“We have to do something now,” he exclaimed.

“Agreed… and quickly!”

“Go and get her, I’ll go to my father and tell him that we’ll leave.”

“Okay. Tell him that Kathryn is feeling a bit sick, okay? Don’t tell him the truth,” she warned him.

“Of course, babe. Don’t worry, I’m not that silly,” he answered and rolled his eyes.

“Oh and Tom? Tell him that we all had a great time,” she said and smiled sadly.

“That’s for sure,” he murmured sarcastically.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's ''Quite Simple'' :  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/13290975


End file.
